A Shot In The Dark
by phantomcsiwriter
Summary: Set after “A little murder” the episode where Catherine is attacked at a crime scene. Why you shouldn't sneak up on people who are armed in the dark. Pre-Warricks death, and pre-sara relationship. G/C Mostly drama with a little humor/romance thrown in.
1. Chapter 1

Title:A Shot In The Dark  
Author:DJ  
Disclaimer: Nope not mine.  
Summary:Set after "A little murder" the episode where Catherine is attacked at a crime scene.  
Rating: T  
Pairing: G/C  
Archive: graveshiftcsi  
Feedback:Appreciated"I can do this." Catherine reassured herself, taking a deep calming breath as she entered the darkened house where a violent murder had been committed just a few short hours ago, the body already processed and taken to the morgue. She was getting better about being at crime scenes after her recent attack, but there was still the initial nervousness that made her a little more jumpy than usual.

Warrick was processing the grounds for evidence, making a plaster casting of a footprint found by the walk when Grissom arrived at the scene. "What have we got?" He asked looking around.

"DB, white female, age 26, apparently lived alone. Brutally raped and then strangled with a necktie before being eviscerated." Warrick quickly summed it up.

"Unless she was a cross dresser I'm assuming the tie belonged to the killer." Grissom stated the obvious.

"I would think so." Warrick agreed. "Cath's in there now processing the interior." He said as he began prying up the dried plaster.

"She's in there alone?" Grissom stood up as he looked towards the darkened house.

"Yeah, it is clear this time." Warrick promised, sensing the older mans concern.

"That's what they said last time, I'm going in to check on her." He said as he headed towards the house. Entering quietly, taking a moment to get his bearings, Gil could see the faint glow of a flashlight coming from further inside the interior. Walking gingerly around the overturned furniture he rounded the corner to where he could see the bedroom, Catherine turned slightly away from him as she surveyed the blood pattern before her, which was quite large considering the circumstances.

He stopped for moment, quietly watching her work. "God she was beautiful," he thought as he watched her. The way the blonde hair spilled over her shoulder, the intense concentration on her face. He was mesmerized.

Catherine was working intently, almost replaying the scene of what had been the victims last few moments of life in her head. The blood stain telling her the story of the girls final struggles, she couldn't shake the uncanny feeling however that she was being watched. Trying to remain focused on the scene she took a moment to check her sensors. Yes the hairs standing up on the back of her neck were telling her there was another presence, and very slowly she attempted to look out of her peripheral vision while appearing to look at the now forgotten scene. She could make out someone standing their quietly, feeling her pulse quicken as she started reliving her previous attack. Determined to act first this time, she started slowly unfastening her holster with her left hand, while right hand continued to dust the scene.

Realizing he had been gawking at her for far to long, Gil decided to make his presence known and took a step forward, opening his mouth to greet her. Like lightening Catherine jumped up when she saw the move and quickly fired 3 times, adrenaline rushing as she watched him fall.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hearing the shots Warrick and the uniformed officer quickly rushed into the house, their weapons drawn. They stopped short as they saw Catherine standing there still holding the gun, and then looked down at the floor, their worst fears coming true.

"Catherine what have you done?" Warrick said as he rushed to her, taking the gun from her hand.

"I stopped him," she answered calmly, almost too calmly it seemed to Warrick.

"Ambulance to 342 Oak Street, officer down," The deputy said tersely into his walkie-talkie as he checked on Gil's condition.

"How is he?" Warrick had joined the deputy to check on Grissom now that Catherine was disarmed.

"He's alive for now." The officer's tone was sober as both he and Warrick looked back up at Catherine.

"What?" She had to ask, not understanding the accusatory looks. "It was self-defense."

"Cath, you shot Gil." Warrick stated disbelievingly.

"What?" She didn't believe him as she walked over to them. Looking down and seeing the still face of her best friend. Her eyes traveling down to the blood spreading and then watching as it slowly dripped and started to pool on the floor, her mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out as she fainted, crashing onto the floor at Gil's feet.

"Better take her too." Warrick nodded at her when the EMT's entered the room moments later, one team having already left with Grissom. Warrick numbly wiped the blood off his hand from where he had checked for a pulse. Hating it as he pulled out his cell phone and made the call to Ecklie, and then calling Brass.

Catherine started to slowly revive. Shuddering for a moment at the feeling that she had had a particularly terrible dream before looking around, realizing she was in a hospital room.

"Ms. Willows, are you ok?" A nurse asked her, trying to get her focus.

"What, oh yes," Catherine said as she realized she was not hurt and quickly stood up heading for the door, knowing that she had to see Gil even though she wasn't quite sure why the sense of urgency.

"I'm sorry, you can't leave." The nurse said sympathetically, yet firmly. "We were waiting for you to wake up, there's a Detective Brass waiting to talk with you." She said as she opened the door and made a motion down the hall to indicate that Catherine had come to.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Summary/timeline: Set shortly after "A little murder", before Catherine is a supervisor, though Ecklie is still going to be assistant director.

Chapter 3

"Hey Jim," Catherine eyed the detective warily, the way he avoided looking her in the eyes bothered her.

"Hey Cath," He replied as he took a seat across from her, motioning to the nurse that it was ok to leave. "Cath, what happened?" He asked sadly.

"Jim, I…"

"Wait, I need to read you your rights," he did so quickly before waiting for her reply.

"I don't know Jim, last thing I remember I was processing a crime scene, then I woke up here." Catherine looked confused. "But I feel like there's something missing. C'mon Jim, what happened." She looked at him closely, waiting for him to tell her what was so serious.

"Cath, how would you say you and Grissom have been getting along lately?" Jim changed tracks.

"What? Gil and I? Fine I guess." She shrugged, then remembered her earlier feeling about having to get to him. "I need to see him though, is he ok?"

"Why wouldn't he be ok?" Jim had to ask, hating that he was the one questioning her right now.

"I don't know, I just feel worried about him. That's odd." Catherine thought, pushing her mind as if trying to find a missing piece.

"You don't remember anything about Gil coming into the house?" He said again, hoping to prompt a memory.

"No," Catherine replied, looking even more confused.

"Ok Catherine, I'll give it to you straight. This is likely the last time I'll talk to you anyway as IA will be taking over."

"IA, why" Catherine looked at him.

"Grissom was shot tonight after entering the crime scene, you were the one found holding the gun." He stated bluntly though trying to not sound too harsh, watching her face whiten as she tried to comprehend what he was saying.

"Jim, this is a pretty bad joke." She shook her head, fighting back the fear that was rising in her throat.

"I wouldn't joke about something like this" he said gravely, watching her think as the door opened and Ecklie charged in.

"You know the drill Willows, you're on unpaid suspension and I need your badge until this is cleared up." Ecklie was very businesslike as he tried to finish the unpleasant task quickly. Numbly Catherine handed her badge to him, not arguing as she reached for her gun to turn it over also, looking confused when she realized it wasn't there. "Warrick has your gun, it's evidence." He answered her unspoken question as he studied her, dayshift is handling the investigation now, we'll be thorough." He said as if trying to reassure her before he hurriedly left.

"Jim, I couldn't have shot Gil. I know I couldn't have." Words seemed to finally come to her as what was apparently going on began to sink in.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

"How is he?" Brass asked, having left Catherine still under watch of the nurse before he went to check on Gil's condition. Warrick, Sara, and Nick were all keeping vigil in the waiting room.

"He's in surgery," Nick said, "the vest stopped the two worst shots, so there's just one that at the throat, they're assessing the damage now. "Have you figured out what happened yet?"

"I've got statements from Warrick and the officer, and dayshift is processing the evidence. We don't know much yet." Jim replied as he surveyed the faces of the assembled CSI's. Warrick and Nick both looking confused and sober, Sara looked angry and more upset than the others.

"How is Catherine?" Warrick asked.

"She seems to be ok. Can't remember what happened though." Jim answered, "the nurse is with her now, we need to wait for word from forensics as to what is going to happen next with her."

"Hope she's ok," Nick said, glad to have something to focus on besides waiting for word about Grissom.

"Who the hell cares how she is?" Sara finally exploded. "She's fine, Grissom's the one laying in there with a bullet in him, a bullet SHE put there." The obviously stressed CSI tried to keep her voice down but still attracted a reproachful look from the nurses at the station,

"We don't know that Sara," Nick argued, "right now no one knows what happened in that room but Gris and Cath." He tried to keep things open, not able to believe that Catherine had shot Grissom just yet. Sara still looked ready to cry but sat down and buried her head in a magazine trying to compose herself.

Jim nodded, he admitted it looked pretty damning for Catherine right now based on the accounts by Warrick and the officer. But he was hoping something positive would turn up from the forensic investigation. As if on cue his phone rang as he turned and walked away from the group to hear the lab results. The expression on his face telling the team the news wasn't good when he returned. "The bullets from the vest were fired from Catherine's gun, there are no other fingerprints on the gun, and based on the witness statements." He didn't finish, knowing he didn't have to by the looks on their faces. "I'm taking Catherine into custody for further questioning, but as of now she isn't being charged." It was all Jim could say as he walked wearily down the hall, wishing at the moment that he was anyone else in the world.

Catherine went along rather quietly, apparently in a mild state of shock, he was glad he didn't have to bother with cuffs or make a scene as he transported her to a solitary holding cell. "Get some sleep." He said gruffly, maybe things will be better when you wake up.

Catherine laid down slowly her mind still trying to process what she had been told about the night's events as she slipped into a restless sleep.

She was bending over the pool of blood when Grissom called her name, walking towards her with a sad look on his face as she pulled her gun, looking at his saddened expression, she shot him and watched him fall to the ground, his eyes remaining open, still in shock as the life drained out of him while she coolly watched.

She sat up sweating and trembling at the vividness of the nightmare, wrapping her arms around her as she could feel tears on her cheeks as the thought that she could have hurt or even killed her best friend hit home.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Brass was working overtime as he tried to put the pieces together, Ecklie was being uncharacteristically helpful as they seemed to share a common goal of finding out what really happened and clearing Catherine's name. Conrad Ecklie wasn't fond of Gil Grissom by any means, but when someone attacked a CSI, it was personal, no matter who it was, and though not knowing what she saw in the bugman, he knew that Catherine Willows would never have shot her friend, if only he could find the evidence to prove it. He and Brass both very much aware that at the end of forty-eight hours Catherine was either going to have to be released or charged, which would effectively end her CSI career.

The evidence did not get any better, there was no proof of anyone else at the scene as of yet, aside from the other crime, and the two could not be connected. Catherine could not remember anything and Grissom was not in any condition to talk as the doctors fussed over the bullet that had entered his throat and lodged in the neck muscles as they tried to assess the extent of the damage.

It had been forty-six hours and though Catherine had been scheduled for her psychological evaluation, she had declined to talk anymore due to her lack of memory and the disturbing nightmares. She had also been advised not to talk at the current time by an attorney Sam had sent to represent her. Jim sat at his desk staring at the evidence as his heart sank, knowing he would have no choice at this point except to press charges against Catherine Willows for the shooting of her supervisor.

He reached for the phone to call the DA, surprised when it rang right before he picked it up. "Brass, ok, I'm on my way." He quickly rose and left, the hospital having called to tell him Grissom had regained consciousness.

"You look like hell." Were Brass's first words at seeing his old friend propped up in the bed, bandages around his throat. Gil couldn't speak due to the endotracheal tube in his throat. The bullet had fortunately not caused any severe damage, but had punctured his trachea so that he needed assistance breathing until the swelling went down and the wound healed.

He lifted his hand, weakly trying to sign to Brass. "Whoa buddy," I don't understand that, let me see if I can find someone," Jim started heading towards the door before Gil waved his hand to stop him. Even half sedated and recovering from the surgery it was obvious that something was pressing on his mind as he made a writing gesture. Understanding Jim pulled out his pad and a pen and placed it on the bed under Grissom's hand. Gil wrote for a couple moments, obviously struggling before he dropped the pen, and laid his head back, exhausted.

Picking up the pad Jim read the words, feeling relief wash over him. "Accident, no charges," the words were simple, yet enough to give him what he needed. He looked up again to see if there was any more information, yet realized Grissom had gone to sleep, seemed as if he had barely had enough energy to write, and yet in doing so had saved Catherine's career.

Returning to the station he informed Ecklie of the news that this was going to be solely an IA matter for now before going to meet with Catherine and process her release.

Catherine wasn't relieved however when he told her the new development, instead she was angry. "Are you saying I really shot him?" She demanded to know, having hoped that it was all some sort of big misunderstanding.

"It looks that way Cath, but he said himself it was an accident, and the doctors say he's going to be back to his old self in no time." Jim tried to reassure her.

"I just want to go home," Catherine finally said wearily, just wanting to get back to the safety of her home and her daughter.

"You can go home, but you know it's not over yet." Jim had to remind her as he moved to let her go.

"Yeah I know, Internal Affairs investigation, the psychological, probably counseling, co-workers wondering if they can trust me, me wondering if I can ever return to work and face them again, especially Gil." She said as her voice started to crack from the strain of it all, she had hardly slept because of the nightmares and was still dealing with trying to comprehend how she could have possibly pulled a gun on her best friend.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer/Spoilers: The timeline for this is season 3, episodes "A Little Murder" where Cath was attacked at a crime scene and "Playing with Fire" when the lab blew up. For my own selfish purposes I'm pretending that "Playing with Fire" happened before "A little murder."

Chapter 6

Catherine was glad when she walked into her home and saw the familiar surroundings, her mother and daughter there waiting on her, though her mother did not look very happy to see her.

"Hey baby." Catherine ran to her daughter to give her a hug. "Thank you Mom." She whispered silently over Lindsey's shoulder, feeling for a moment as if things were finally getting better.

"I missed you Mom, but did you really shoot Uncle Gil?" Lindsey's words almost toppled out on top of each other, her blue eyes wide.

"How did.." Catherine started to ask how Lindsey knew as she had asked her mother not to tell her about it, but was stopped as her mother held up a newspaper, showing an article near the bottom of the front page. "Crime Scene Supervisor Shot." And in smaller print underneath it "CSI team member suspected." With a small photo of Gil, and a small photo of her, placed side by side. She quickly noticed how they picked one of the worst photo's of her ever taken.

"Mom?" Lindsey's questioning voice brought her back to the present.

"I don't know sweetie," she had to answer honestly, "but why don't you go stay with your aunt for a few days until this gets settled?" She hated that she wasn't going to be spending the time with her daughter, but also wanted to get Lindsey far away in case of any media circus that might arise.

LATER THAT DAY

Catherine was starting to feel more insecure, the house was empty and there were no calls or contact from the rest of the team. "They must all hate me, blame me for this." She couldn't help thinking as she began pacing, becoming more and more irritable, starting to feel caged. She brightened when her cell phone rang and she saw it was Greg calling. "Willows," she answered, hoping she didn't sound too desperate to hear another voice.

"Hey Cath, it's Greg, I just, we just wanted to let you know we've been ordered to steer clear until this investigation is cleared up, and we uhh, didn't want you to think we'd forgotten about you." His voice sounded slightly strained, as if he wasn't sure what else he could say.

"I uhh., ok thank you Greg, bye." Was all Catherine could say before she put the phone down and burst into tears, suddenly feeling more alone than she had in a very long time.

Falling asleep that night was difficult, she tossed and turned until finally the weariness took over and she fell into a troubled sleep.

She was at the crime scene again, having walked into the bedroom towards the same ominous pool of blood, this time the outline of a body laying there. Her heart was pounding as she walked slowly up to the body, gasping as she saw the blue eyes, their stare fixed in death. As she slowly scanned the body she shivered, realizing it couldn't be real as she was viewing her own body. She froze when she suddenly realized a dark figure directly across from her, standing over the body also. She forced herself to look up into the eyes of the killer, screaming as she saw Grissom's face.

Catherine was still screaming when she sat bolt upright in bed, her heart racing as sweat poured off her body.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The morning had passed slowly and at 10:00 a.m. Catherine was still sitting at her kitchen table trying to sip a cup of coffee as she stared at the wall, feeling as if she might start crying yet again. Trying to get a grip on her emotions had never seemed this hard before. She finally realized she had better start getting ready. She was scheduled for her psychological evaluation to start in just a few hours

Late that evening

It was a completely drained Catherine Willows who entered her home that evening. The psychological had been exhausting, so many questions and deep discussion. She had broken down crying more than once, yet felt strangely she also felt a little more calm as one important step had been made when they had probed her recent nightmares and what could be causing them. The revelation had seemed simple once the doctor explained how she was tying the events of her recent assault at a crime scene, with what had happened the other night. After listening to some of the symptoms she'd been having since the first attack, he said something about post-traumatic stress disorder, she wasn't sure what all he had been talking about at the end, being almost mentally numb from the ordeal, but she did know she had been given an appointment to return. She climbed wearily into bed as she let her mind explore again the connection between the two scenes, she still didn't remember exactly what happened a few nights ago. As she willed her body to relax her mind continued to search for answers as to what had happened, and if there really was something that could have caused her to react the way she did.

Next morning

Her sleep had been restless, and full of disjointed dreams. She remembered definite flashes of Gil's face and guns and men in black, but it had not been so bad as to wake her up this time. She still didn't feel quite herself the next morning, though the sleep had helped. Though not really hungry she began ransacking the kitchen almost out of habit as she looked for food. Her mind kept drifting to Gil as she pictured him lying in a hospital bed. She had been told that he would make a full recovery and that the injury had been confined to some bruised ribs from the vest and the shot in the throat which had miraculously missed any vital areas, but she still felt a yearning to see him, to make sure for herself that he was alright, and even to see the look in his eyes to know if he would ever speak to her again. Her thoughts were interrupted as the doorbell rang.

Opening it she was surprised to see Warrick, Nick and Greg all on her doorstep with coffee and bagels. "We thought you might like some company, now that we've all had our turn with IA and can speak to you again" Nick said brightly as they all filed in. Catherine studied them carefully for signs of anger or blame as they sat and chatted, all ignoring the shooting as if it was an elephant in the middle of the living room. Finally she took it upon herself to ask the obvious question about how things had been at work since the shooting, watching the slight discomfort that settled on the room at her question.

"Well we've all been interviewed," Warrick spoke calmly, and deliberately. "Usual questions, like how you and Gris got along, that kind of stuff." "Yeah, they seemed to think this might be a lovers quarrel or something." Greg spoke up, his statement causing a look of warning from the elder CSI's.

"They what?" Catherine couldn't believe what she had heard.

Sighing, Nick picked up the conversation. "Look, don't sweat it, they just seem to think that maybe you and Grissom had something going on outside of work and maybe this was part of it. But you know, they have to look at all possible angles." He tried to reassure her.

"So what did you all tell them?" She was still slightly stunned.

"The truth," Warrick said simply, "that we had no knowledge of any affair going on and as far as we knew you were just friends." There was a pregnant pause before he continued, "you guys aren't romantically involved are you?"

"Warrick!" Catherine lashed out, "of course not, how could you think…"

"Look, just made us think that's all, you two are awfully tight." Greg interjected.

"But Cath, we aren't here about that, the investigation is all up to IA now. We care about both you and Grissom and we're here as your friends, for support." Nick tried to console her. "We've also been taking turns at the hospital with him, and he's getting better every day."

Catherine tried to relax, knowing that their hearts were in the right place, and she knew that being alone was not healthy. The psychologist had even told her to seek emotional support where she could, so she let them be there for her and ignored the pang of Sara's absence.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

AN: As always this was all written before they went down the GSR path on the show

AN: As always this was all written before they went down the GSR path on the show.

Chapter 8

Sara Sidle was sitting by her boss's bed, holding his hand and wishing he would wake up and see how faithful she had been to stay by him every moment she wasn't working. She couldn't believe that the rest of the team had gone to visit the enemy while she had stayed by his side, though she did like how it gave them time alone, it would be even better if he were conscious.

That was the way Lieutenant Richards of Internal Affairs found them when he entered the room as the doctors had finally given him clearance for the interview. He finally cleared his throat to gain Sara's attention and was mildly surprised when Grissom woke up also. Looking quite alert for someone supposedly sleeping just moments ago, he thought as he introduced himself.

"I'm Lt. Mark Richards, I'm conducting the investigation on this shooting, and due to your injury I have brought along Officer Parks to translate, she is fluent in sign language." He introduced the young female officer standing next to him. "Do you feel up to an interview at this time?" He questioned.

Grissom raised his hands signing for a moment before letting them rest.

"He says he is able, however would prefer privacy." The officer translated as she looked at Sara, though Grissom avoided her eyes.

"I'm sorry Miss, you'll have to leave while we speak to your father." The investigator stated as Sara stood, almost stalking towards them as she left the room. "I'm not his daughter, I'm CSI Sara Sidle." She said sharply as she continued her exit.

"Oh, good Ms. Sidle, we do need to interview you still, we couldn't locate you yesterday morning, if you could stay in the waiting area for us perhaps." The lieutenant said trying to ignore the daggers she was shooting at him. "It was an honest mistake" he thought as he shrugged before turning his attention back to the patient who looked slightly amused at the exchange he had just witnessed.

Grissom was glad for the opportunity to open his eyes and stretch a little. Pretending to be asleep for the last hour had been getting old and he was just contemplating opening his eyes for a few minutes and letting Sara know he was awake when he had been rescued by the Lieutenant. His eyes swept the younger man, taking in his trim build and the polished look. He knew he should be glad they had gotten someone with a reputation for being fair, even if slightly harsh, for this investigation. He had replayed the events many times in his mind by now and only hoped he could clearly describe what had happened.

"For the record, you are Dr. Gilbert Grissom of the Las Vegas Crime Lab?" The questioning began as the Lieutenant spoke, hoping he could get all the information before the patient tired out.

Grissom quickly signed his reply. "Yes" the officer translated.

"You were shot three nights ago while at a crime scene?"

"Yes" Grissom signed his response again.

"Did you see who fired the gun, and if so can you tell us their identity?"

The officer watched as Grissom reluctantly signed his reply before she translated to the Lt. "It was CSI Willows who fired the gun, but it was an accident."

"I see, could you briefly relate to us the events of that night?" The lieutenant readied his pencil as the signing began again.

"It was late when I arrived on the crime scene, a brutal rape/murder and I was informed that CSI Willows was alone inside the house. I was worried about her because she had been attacked recently while investigating a scene by the perpetrator who was still hiding in the house. I thought it might be too soon for her to be alone in a house again. I entered, failed to identify myself or announce my presence. Walked up behind her and I guess she got scared, next thing I know she turned and I heard the gun firing."

Lt. Richards had studied the man as he had signed, he seemed to be telling the truth. "I'm confused on something though. CSI Brown stated that at least ten minutes passed from the time you entered the house and the time of the gun shots. Can you explain that for us?"

Grissom reddened slightly as he continued. "She didn't see me when I entered the room, I stood there for a few minutes watching her work before I moved to announce my presence, that was when she pulled the gun."

"I see," the Lieutenant. said, though he wasn't sure if he did or not. "Was there a particular reason you were watching her work?"

The expression on his face answered the question even before he began to sign. "I just…. I just…" It was obvious he was faltering as his hands seemed to fight to answer the question. "I just wanted to watch her for a moment, the room was dark besides her flashlight, and one ray of moonlight coming through the window, the way it was directed, it made her look as if she were glowing, I was just mesmerized." He admitted, the look on his face betraying his feelings and making it clear to the Lieutenant that it was time to switch tracks.

"Dr. Grissom, are you and Ms. Willows romantically involved?" He cut straight to the point.

"No." Grissom's brief sign answered the question.

"Have you been romantically involved in the past?"

"No, we're just friends." Grissom clarified, a wistful look accompanying the sign.

"So you felt she might be at risk because she had entered a crime scene alone not long after being assaulted at one. Might I ask Dr. Grissom why you did not take any steps after the initial assault to have Ms. Willows seek counseling, or have some time off to deal with it?"

"I did make the recommendation, but she said she was fine, so we let it go with the understanding that she would tell me if she felt she needed help. I knew she was stressed, and didn't want to push her." Grissom signed his reply, willing to take part of the blame for what had happened.

"Thank you Dr. Grissom, I'll let you know when we reach our conclusion." Lt. Richards stood to go, "I'm glad you weren't seriously hurt." He nodded sincerely, receiving a weak smile in response before he left to interview the final CSI on the team, not a task he was relishing at this point.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Two days later

Catherine was starting to go stir crazy, it had been five days since the shooting and she hadn't left her home except for her appointments with the psychologist.

While the sessions had gone well and she was making good progress according to the doctor, she was feeling terrible about not being able to see Gil yet. She knew it wasn't a wise choice at the present time, given all the commotion in the media. In addition to the ongoing investigation into the matter by internal affairs, but not knowing how he was feeling and the fear that he would hate her was eating her up inside. Finally she decided that even though it would be risky, she would try for a visit that night. The team would be working, and hopefully it would be easier to sneak by the reporter or two that were still hanging around the hospital according to reports she was getting from the team about the coverage.

She trembled both from anxiety and anticipation as she quietly made her way towards his hospital room with a large bouquet of flowers partially shielding her face. "So far so good," she thought as she neared, glad that he was not in ICU, making it easier to get by the nurses. The team had kept her thoughtfully updated on his condition so she knew he was breathing on his own now and the tube had been removed, though he was still unable to talk much as his throat was very sore and he was only able to sip water and ice chips while getting nutrients through an IV.

Knowing all this, and having seen people injured in the hospital before, she thought she was prepared. Her breath caught in her throat as she stepped across the threshold of his private room and she saw him lying there asleep. She quietly put the flowers down by the sink before walking closer to him, feeling tears start to threaten as she looked at the bandages surrounding his neck.

He had wakened the moment he heard the footsteps approaching his room, he hadn't really been asleep, just drifting, but remained as if asleep until he could figure out if his visitor was one he wanted to talk to or not. "By the sound of the footsteps and the tread it sounded as if his visitor was female," he thought as he tried to detect more information without opening his eyes.

Catherine studied the still form of her best friend and as the knowledge fully sank in that she could have killed him the tears started to fall, rolling down her cheeks as she quietly sobbed.

Feeling a drop of water hit his cheek Gil slowly opened his eyes to see his distraught friend. She had her hands over her face at the moment trying to muffle the crying, and jumped when his hand brushed her knee to alert her to his wakened state. She lifted her face from her hands slowly to look him in the eyes, afraid of what she would see there, not knowing if she could handle it if he hated her now, even though she knew he had the right.

As her eyes met his she saw only genuine concern and caring there, which made her feel even more guilty. He was the one laying in the bed wrapped in bandages and yet his concern was for her. She took his hand and held it, trying to compose herself as he waited patiently. She managed to catch a hiccupy breath before speaking.

"Gil, I'm so sorry," She tried to say, her voice shaking, the words seemed so inadequate. "You're my best friend, I don't know what I would do if…" she was having a hard time finding the words as she fought back tears.

Gil felt nothing but compassion for her as she cried, he only wished he could speak to comfort her, but felt helpless as all he could do at the moment was hold her hand.

Catherine stopped crying as she felt a tug on her hand and looked down, still seeing the same caring expression as he continued to pull her towards him, she wasn't sure what he wanted as he kept pulling her towards him. She was confused for a moment as he pointed to his chest with his hand and then understanding she gently lowered her head, being mindful of the IV tubes running into his arm and neck as she rested her head on his chest. Hearing the strong heartbeat beneath her ear as his hand began to caress her hair in a comforting gesture lulled her into the most peaceful state she had been in since the accident happened. She listened intently to his heartbeat getting his message that he was doing well, after a few moments of listening to the rhythmic sound, she fell asleep.

Grissom kept his hand lightly on her head, glad that she had finally come to see him so he could let her know that he wasn't blaming her, even though the guilt would probably take a long time for her to get over. After a few minutes of quiet he could feel sleep coming on again and dozed off, hand still lightly resting on her head.

It was in this position that they were discovered a short time later by a very unhappy Sara Sidle who had gotten off her shift early thanks to a slow night.


	10. Chapter 10

"What are you doing here

AN: It's been a long time since I posted, don't recall this happening before, but can anyone tell me why a sentence repeats itself at the top of a page?" Pardon any jumpy starts in that respect, not sure why sometimes they choose to repeat, I'm not using special formatting or anything.

"What are you doing here?" Sara shrieked angrily, causing them both to jump. "Come to finish him off?"

"Sara, calm down." Catherine tried to reason with the irate CSI while also trying to clear the fog of sleep from her head. She could seeing by the clock on the wall that she had been there a good hour. She couldn't believe how well she had slept. But realizing that Sara was still ranting she turned her attention back to her.

"….you have some nerve." Sara was saying as she stood possessively over the hospital bed facing Catherine. Catherine looked down at Gil who was looking distinctly uncomfortable at having the two women almost face to face over his bed.

"Ever had two women literally fighting over you before?" Catherine asked and quickly squeezed his arm trying to lighten his mood before turning back to Sara.

"Sara, this is a hospital, we're probably about to be covered up with nurses and security guards, can you at least lower your voice?"

Sara arched an eyebrow, not looking the least inclined to be cooperative, but she did lower her voice. "You think this is all over, IA was very interested in all that I had to tell them about you." She smiled sweetly as she delivered that news.

"I feel like I'm in high school again." Catherine shook her head incredulously.

Looking up when a man in a rumpled suit rushed into the room, pulling out a tape recorder. "Ms. Willows, Las Vegas Sun here, is it true that you were the one to shoot Dr. Grissom?"

Catherine gave Gil an apologetic look as she squeezed his hand before making a quick exit, ignoring the reporter as she tried to get out of the hospital before they descended like locusts. When Sara looked at Grissom, she was surprised he didn't look happier to see her. "I'm sorry you had to witness that scene," she said, apparently clueless that they had been perfectly alright before his arrival. Reaching over for his water, he took a sip before clearing his throat as if to speak. He rasped something but Sara couldn't quite make it out. Thrilled that he was trying to speak to her she leaned down closer to hear his first words to her since the accident.

"Get out." His voice was not harsh but the meaning was clear. Dumbfounded Sara gaped at him for a moment before spinning on her heel and stalking from the room, silently cursing Catherine for apparently working her spell on him again.

Catherine felt worlds better when she re-entered her house, after having finally gotten rid of the reporters. But she couldn't stop smiling to herself at the knowledge that her friendship with Gil was still intact.

Her smile faded however as she listened to her answering machine and the message that she was expected to report to the department for an interview with internal affairs at one o'clock that afternoon.


	11. Chapter 11

That afternoon

That afternoon

Catherine nervously smoothed her skirt again as she waited in the lounge, watching as the clock crept closer towards one. She tried to ignore the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach. "It was amazing" she thought, "she could look at horribly mutilated bodies and be fine, and yet for this she felt as if she could vomit at any second."

"Ms. Willows" a young man with dark hair approached her, "I'm Lieutenant Mark Richards, I'm handling this investigation." He introduced himself as he quickly extended his hand. "Come this way."

Catherine mutely followed him into the conference room, despite his outwardly friendly nature, she knew by his reputation that while his demeanor was intended to put people at ease, to try and build trust, that he was a definite by the book man and could be a bulldog on a case.

"Ms. Willows, I have here your reports from the department psychologist, results of interviews with the rest of your team, and the report from Dr. Grissom about his view of what happened at that crime scene." He began, indicating a very thick folder as he spoke. "But before we get to all of that, I'd like to ask you for your story. I know the psychologist says you are still having trouble remembering all of it, though have started to recall some parts. Also I would like for you to begin from the incident a few weeks ago from when you were attacked."

Catherine nodded affirmatively as she took a deep breath to begin her tale. She first related her attack and her feelings after that, knowing that he had all the information from the psychologist anyway so it was best to be up front about it as she told about the nightmares, the increased anxiety. Being honest about how she had tried to mask it at work so they wouldn't know she was still affected by it.

"Ms. Willows, we don't have the psychologist on staff just to give us another salary to pay." Lt. Richards said with an exasperated sigh. "He's there as a resource, people in law enforcement deal with so much that they need that resource. You were attacked at a crime scene, your supervisor recommended you go for counseling, and you didn't. Then something like this happens." His tone was not as friendly as it had been originally.

"I know. Hindsight is twenty twenty." Catherine agreed, not even trying to escape responsibility.

"So why didn't you?" He prodded.

"I didn't want people to think I was weak, that I needed help." Catherine admitted, as this had been one of the revelations to come out of her sessions with the psychologist. "I sometimes forget I'm not superwoman."

"And look at what happened. You shot your supervisor. Do you have any idea how lucky you both are that it wasn't worse? That bullet could have easily hit a jugular, or the spinal cord. He could be dead, or paralyzed for life." The lieutenant's voice had taken on a steely edge as he made sure that the potential consequences for her poor decision making were clear.

"I know." Catherine said, feeling tears start to threaten again. She knew she had to take responsibility, had told herself that several times recently both in and out of counseling, but it was still hard to hear someone else say it like that.

After a moment of silence he changed course. "Ms. Willows, how would you characterize your relationship with Dr. Grissom?"

Glad for the change in topic Catherine brightened. "We're best friends," she said simply. "We've known each other for over fifteen years now". "Friends only?" he asked, his voice making the meaning clear.

"Yes, it's never been more than that." She repeated, wondering why his narrowed eyes seemed to insinuate he didn't believe her.

"Ms. Willows I'll be honest, there seems to be a good deal of speculation that you and Dr. Grissom are currently or have been romantically involved." He cut to the chase.

"What?" Catherine couldn't believe it, though for some reason she felt a small thrill she couldn't quite explain upon hearing this.

"It appears that there is an idea that you get away with mistakes in the lab because of this special relationship." He stated calmly watching for her reaction.

"Mistakes, what mistakes? We all make them, and Gil… Dr. Grissom deals with it, end of story. Sara Sidle is just jealous because she wants a romantic relationship with him and can't have it, she's jealous of our friendship, the whole lab knows it, just ask them." Catherine's eyes were blazing fire at his insinuation.

"Calm down Ms. Willows, I just needed to ask. Luckily I have years of experience and also two daughters at home so am well versed in how tempers can flare when one wants something they can't have." His tone had become more engaging again, putting her slightly more at ease. "I have reviewed all the evidence presented and am ready to announce our findings." He said, suddenly businesslike again as he nodded to the secretary in the corner who was keeping notes.

Catherine braced herself as she waited for a pronouncement that could change her life forever.

"After several interviews, reviews of your cases, and reviews of your meetings with the psychologist, this shooting is being ruled accidental. I am putting you on 6 weeks of paid leave during which you will continue to keep your counseling appointments and deal with your stress. After six weeks if you have met all requirements and the psychologist pronounces you able, you will be able to return to your job."

Catherine exhaled loudly, obviously relieved at the decision made and that she would be able to keep working with Gil. "Odd she thought, that her first thought was of whether they would be separated or not." But she pushed that back as she focused again on the Lieutenant.

"Ms. Willows, You've blown up a lab landing CSI Sanders in the hospital, and then this happens. The people you work with have enough to worry about from the outside without having to worry about you." He said as he picked up his briefcase and started putting the folders into it. "Don't forget that when you make choices on the job, you aren't the only one affected. Good luck Ms. Willows." He left her with that thought as he made his way to the door.

"Thank you," was all she could say as she sat there numbly, still letting all that had just transpired sink in.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

By the time she reached the hospital parking lot she was on cloud nine, she had called her sister and Lindsey was coming back home, she was about to have six weeks with her daughter and even better would be getting her job back. She couldn't wait to tell Gil the good news. She stopped short as she entered the hospital waiting room and saw Sara sitting there obviously sulking.

"You look happy." Sara sneered as Catherine approached her.

"I am, I just left IA." Catherine said, her expression making it clear that the news had been good. "So where's Gil?"

"I guess he's in his room. He told me to leave after the scene this morning." Sara spat, still obviously angry.

"Sara, look, woman to woman here, Gil is never going to look at you that way, in two years has he really shown the slightest interest." Catherine cut to the chase, hoping she could get the younger CSI to move on. Sara glowered but didn't respond. "You've got Greg jumping through hoops to try to get a date, and I wouldn't put bets on Nick being out of the running either. Why don't you give some other guys a chance?" She encouraged her.

"Whatever," Sara mumbled clearly unconvinced but seeming to at least be considering it as Catherine continued on down the hall to see Gil.

Poking her head in the room she saw him shaking a cup as he looked in slightly disappointed. "Out of ice?" She realized his problem as she walked over to take the cup from his hands, he nodded gratefully as she took it, and walked back in a few moments later with it refilled. She knew that it would be awhile before he felt like talking again. Looking at his eyes she noted that he looked as if he had a question.

"I guess you're wondering why I'm so happy. Well number one, you're doing going to be fine, and our friendship has survived. And also, I finished with IA today." She smiled as she filled him in, his facial expressions conveying his feelings of happiness for her also. They knew each other well enough now that a lot could be conveyed just through facial expression.

"I want you to know though, that I'm still really sorry about this," she had to tell him again, "and I intend to be at your beck and call while you heal, so if you need anything…" She paused for a moment as an unreadable look came into his blue eyes, it didn't look hostile, it just looked, different. While trying to interpret it however she saw it quickly change into one of surprise as he changed direction of his gaze and started pulling at the top of his gown. Seeing the ice cup tilted in his hand she realized what had happened as she went to his aid, finding the cube that had slipped down towards his stomach. She blushed for a moment as she retrieved the quickly melting cube, her hands brushing over his smooth chest in the process.

Not meeting his eye she didn't notice that his cheeks became as red as her own. "I think you need some help with that." She finally said as she took the cup from him, taking a cube in her fingers to give to him. She had planned for him to take it from her with his hand but when he made no move to do so she gently pressed it to his lips to let him take it, trying to ignore the tremor she felt as his tongue brushed against the tip of her finger, a sudden tension in the air. Their eyes met in unspoken mutual question before the sound of a throat clearing interrupted them to signify that Sara had re-entered the room. Grissom looked wary as she approached.

"Look, I just wanted to say I was sorry for what happened this morning. I was out of line." Sara apologized somewhat stiffly, but she had realized that once again she had acted without thinking clearly.

"It's ok. Let's forget about it." Catherine said extending her hand. Gil watched as they shook hands over him relieved that they had seemed to draw a successful truce.

"I guess I should be going anyway, some of us have to work you know." She said lightly breezing out of the room, obviously trying to not let her disappointment show.

"She'll take some time to adjust but she'll be alright." Catherine stated aloud before turning back to meet Grissom's questioning eyes. "We had a little talk, I think she's going to try and move on, hope you don't mind?" She lightly teased, enjoying seeing him smile for a change, obviously approving of the idea.

"Ice?" he managed to rasp, his eyes looking fondly towards the cup.

"You're going to keep me waiting on you hand and foot aren't you?" She teased, "but I did promise, and I do owe you" She quickly added seeing the pouty look on his face as she took another piece of ice, deciding there could be much worse fates in life than this.


	13. Chapter 13

Five days later had Grissom finally leaving the hospital, his throat a little sore, a bandage that needed to be changed, but otherwise well on the road to a complete recovery. Catherine and Lindsey had both made faithful visits to the hospital and had insisted he come stay with them while recovering. Catherine had tried to make a joke about it, in that she needed to do some serious groveling and payback, but truth was she did feel she owed him something. Though even if she hadn't she would have done the same considering their years of friendship.

She took him by the pharmacy to get his antibiotics, and then to his house so he could pack a few things before they drove to her house and got him settled in the guestroom. The doctor had said two weeks before he could return to work, barring any complications, with strict instructions to change the bandage twice a day while watching the wound for signs of infection.

He had to laugh at her and Lindsey's antics as they settled him into his room, even having it set up with a bell he could ring for service. "I'm not an invalid guys," he teased them, a slight rasp to his voice. But he had to admit that he was enjoying the attention.

After a short nap he was treated to a supper of mashed potatoes and gravy and a small bowl of pudding. He had worried when the doctor put him on a soft diet but Catherine had assured him that wouldn't mean fifty different types of soup.

He couldn't help but think how natural it seemed to have the three of them sitting at the table, and he could tell Lindsey thoroughly enjoyed having Catherine home more.

Lindsey had taken the explanation rather well about her mother having shot her Uncle Gil accidentally, of course it helped that he was going to be ok and she could see him sitting there eating, looking almost normal aside from the large white bandage on his neck.

"That was excellent," he said as he stood up, obviously tired, his voice was better, though he had to use it sparingly as his throat was sore and would tire easily. "I'm going to take a shower and go ahead and call it a night." He announced as he began walking slowly to his room.

"Do you need any help?" Catherine asked, causing him to freeze in his steps at the sudden mental image that invoked. "I mean need me to get your clothes, a towel or anything." She backtracked, slightly embarrassed.

"No I can get it, thanks." He said as he gathered his things and went to the bathroom trying to ignore the reaction his body was having to the image she had evoked in his mind.

"Remember the doctor's instructions." She called after him.

"I know, no soap on the wound, no water directly on it." He repeated, his voice muffled behind the door. The water started running as Lindsey helped her Mom clean up after dinner.

"I like having you home like this Mom," she said giving her a hug as they treasured some mother daughter time while Gil was otherwise occupied. It was much later after Lindsey had gone to start on her homework that he emerged in sweatpants and a t-shirt, trying to move hastily to his room before he was caught.

"Hold it mister, what is that?" Catherine indicated the crooked bandage on his neck that looked as if it might fall off at any moment.

"I needed to put on a new bandage after the shower, it wasn't as easy as I thought." He defended himself, "but it's good enough."

"I don't think so, come on, let me help you." She sighed sounding like she would as if she were getting ready to pick a splinter out of Lindsey's finger. She took his hand and led him back to the bedroom where he still had the materials laid out. She tried to fight back the sudden surge of nervousness as she realized she was about to see the wound she had inflicted up close.

Taking her time she made sure everything was there, from the sterile pads to clean the wound, to the gauze and wrapping and paper tape before turning to where he was seated on the bed, looking distinctly uncomfortable suddenly about her proximity as she steeled herself and put her hands to the bandage, noticing the smell of the soap emanating from his body, trying to still the slight shake in her hands as she reached to undo the gauze.

Even though she had prepared herself she still gasped as she saw the small incision from the tracheotomy and then the bullet hole just slightly below and too the left of his Adams apple. She gently traced around the wounds with her fingers, feeling his adams apple bob almost nervously beneath her fingers as he swallowed.

Several moments passed as she stayed focused on the wounds, having become lost in thought again and forgetting what she was supposed to be doing until his hands gently closed over hers. "It's ok." He whispered softly, knowing what she was feeling as she looked into his eyes, tears glistening on her cheeks.

She smiled slightly at his reassurance before taking the sterile pad. No further words were spoken as she concentrated on her task. Several minutes later she finished, resting her hands on his muscular shoulders for a moment as she surveyed her work.

"Thank you," he said simply as he reached up to brush a lingering tear from her cheek.

"I could have lost you." She exclaimed, "and there would have been no one to blame but myself." The anger and self-hate was evident in her voice.

"Hey, I'm ok." He tried to reassure her as he pulled her to him. They stood there holding each other until her tears abated.

"I'm sorry, I got your shirt wet." She apologized as she pulled back and saw the wet spot from where she had been crying. "I can't believe this, here you're the one shot and I'm the one who's an emotional mess." She almost laughed at the irony.

"It's ok, we can heal together." He smiled reassuringly before the sound of Lindsey coming down the stairs made them part and the moment was lost.


	14. Chapter 14

The week passed much the same, Gil wasn't looking very rested Catherine thought, but then she figured he was still healing, the wound was looking better, starting to fade a little more

The week passed much the same, Gil wasn't looking very rested Catherine thought, but then she figured he was still healing, the wound was looking better, starting to fade a little more. The time passed easily, entertaining Lindsey, having the team over after shift for breakfast, watching TV. Catherine kept her appointments and felt she was making progress.

Gil was resting a lot during the day, but she figured this was normal. It wasn't until the weekend when Lindsey had gone on a camping trip with her aunt and cousins that she found out differently.

It had been weird at first with just the two of them there alone that Friday evening, almost awkward without Lindsey as they watched television, watching some of the crime shows and laughing at their lack of realism, finally turning it off as the clock struck 11:00 p.m.

They were quiet as she changed the bandages. Something about the intimacy of it seemed to render them speechless almost every time. She had finally gotten to where she didn't cry while doing it, but it was still an emotionally charged moment.

As he laid down to sleep she turned off the light, this time choosing to go back to the living room, not yet ready to sleep herself as her mind was filled with thoughts. Sitting on the sofa in the darkness she reflected over the past weeks, and the past several days with Grissom. She felt as if something was changing between them, but she couldn't put her finger on it. There seemed to be a new tension in the air, something unspoken happening, a new look in his eyes, and hers as well she thought when she would catch herself thinking about him when brushing her hair or applying makeup and looking at her reflection in the mirror.

Her reverie was broken by a faint moan, hearing it again she went to the guest room, surprised as she saw him in the apparent grip of a nightmare. Shaking him awake she looked in his panicked eyes as comprehension dawned and he was awake. "Sorry," he mumbled, looking embarrassed at being caught.

"Gil, you're soaked," she took in the beads of sweat on his brow and the dampness on his shirt. "How long has this been going on?" She questioned, guessing it had been awhile by the way he averted his eyes and looked guiltily at the floor.

"Only at night, since the shooting," he admitted. "I didn't want you to worry."

"I've had them also," she admitted, "but they started going away after that night at the hospital, and then with the therapy. So this is why you sleep so much during the day?" She suddenly realized.

"Yeah, I'll be ok though." He tried to assure her.

"I'll be right back." She said, knowing what needed to be done as she went to her room and changed into a pair of sweats herself before rejoining him in his room. "This is what I do when Lindsey has nightmares." She said as she pulled back the covers to join him in the bed, ignoring his squeak of protest as she curled up to him. They wrestled for a few moments trying to find a comfortable position on the twin bed until finally he sighed and stood up.

"Look I appreciate it, but this isn't going to work." He had to say it.

She felt dejected as she rose to leave, having hoped she could help him. "OK, I'm sorry, bad idea." She quickly headed to her room, surprised as he followed.

"No no, I didn't mean it that way," he explained. "I just meant the two of us on a twin bed, just not enough room to be comfortable." He paused, waiting for her to make the obvious deduction.

"Oh right, my bed, bigger." She finally got the hint as she felt relieved, realizing it wasn't her, but the too small bed he was rejecting.

She felt shy for a moment as she got into the bed and pulled back the covers for him to join her. Even in her sweatsuit and him in sweatpants and a t-shirt the situation suddenly didn't feel quite so innocent. Shaking her thoughts aside and remembering his nightmares she ignored the nagging feeling in her stomach as she scooted up behind him, wrapping her arm around him from behind and pulling him close, feeling him tense for a moment before relaxing in her embrace.

Gil was trying desperately to relax, he knew she intended this as a comforting gesture, but certain parts of his anatomy were being anything but comforted as her hand was gently stroking his belly. That may calm Lindsey, but it certainly wasn't having that effect on him, he shifted slightly, before finally saying gruffly, "Nite Cath," feeling her relax behind him as she started to go to sleep. After awhile longer he was also finally able to succumb to a deep sleep, one fortunately without nightmares for a change.


	15. Chapter 15

Catherine woke up sweating, quickly realizing that a sweatshirt and body heat did not go well together. She realized that while she was now lying on her back, Gil had turned on his side and was now holding her close. She took stock of their position, noting with a small measure of alarm that his arm was draped casually across her abdomen, his head rested on her shoulder, and he had also moved his leg to lay over hers, looking quite comfortable as if using her as a giant body pillow. She could feel the sweat trickling down her neck and tried to think of the best way to extricate herself without waking him up.

She gradually started pulling away, trying to slide out from under him without waking him. To her chagrin he tightened his hold and pulled her even closer, causing her to gasp as she felt a distinct hardness pressing against her upper thigh. She tried not to feel flattered, as she realized this was a normal morning occurrence for men, but she did enjoy it for just a moment before deciding it was time to change as she quickly rolled out of his embrace. He mumbled incoherently, turning over with a pout on his face as he continued sleeping, now on his back. She watched him as she peeled off her sweatshirt, enjoying the rush of cool air before grabbing a t-shirt. Trying to decide whether she should crawl back into the bed or not as she looked at the clock to see it was four a.m. He looked peaceful, but she knew nightmares could start at anytime, plus she did enjoy the rare opportunity to be that close.

Crawling back into the bed and trying to decide where to lay to be close to him, but not wake him back up. Her dilemma was quickly solved as he reached out for her, apparently still asleep and pulled her back to him so that their earlier positions were almost reversed as she laid her head on his shoulder and her arm across his abdomen. She wondered for a moment if he had been working out as she felt his stomach muscles beneath her hand.

She took the opportunity to study him in his relaxed state, noting the way his curls lay at the base of his neck, and looking closely she could still see the cleft in his chin hiding beneath the beard. As she looked at him she couldn't help thinking of all they had been through together since they had first met so many years ago. He had been her best friend through everything, and she couldn't imagine life without him. Just thinking about it made a tear come to her eye as she thought about it. She allowed her mind to keep wandering, going into the generally forbidden space of thinking of him as more than a friend. She had tried to keep those types of thoughts and feelings well hidden, as she couldn't bear the thought of losing their friendship by taking a risk at more.

It frustrated her at times that she could never be sure if he felt the same way, he was so aloof sometimes. Watching him as all these thoughts ran through her mind she was sure of one thing, she loved him, perhaps even more than she had before. His reaction to this only reaffirmed her beliefs that under that scientific guarded exterior beat a heart of gold. Wondering if his latest behavior was merely a part of their continuing friendship, or could he also feel the same way. She felt her heart pound slightly harder at the thought as her lips curved into a smile.

She focused on his lips, they looked so soft and inviting, would he wake up if she took a chance. Just as she was considering an attempt she was startled as his eyes opened, looking directly at her. "Something wrong?" His voice was slightly hoarse as he studied the expression in her eye.

"No, just watching you sleep." She said serenely as she laid her head back on his shoulder. "I wish I could make the bad dreams go away." She added quietly.

"I know," he said, "they're getting better."

"You know, the doctor had me talk to him about mine and they got better," she added cautiously. "Maybe if you told me about yours," she left the question hanging in the air.

He apparently thought for a moment before taking a deep sigh and beginning, "they always start the same…"


	16. Chapter 16

Hours later found them still talking. Both enjoying the generally uncharacteristic pillow talk as conversation flowed freely, feeling like they could talk about anything as they moved beyond the shooting and talked about so many different subjects they couldn't have kept track if they tried. Catherine had been steadfastly ignoring the desire to talk about their relationship ever since he had awakened. She knew that one day they were going to have to talk about their feelings, or at least her feelings, but the fear of damaging their friendship had held her back until now. Taking a deep breath she decided it was time to have "the talk."

"Gil, there's something I think we should talk about." She began, trying to sound casual. He turned on his side to face her, their noses only inches apart, instinctively knowing that whatever she was getting ready to talk about was something important.

"Anything," he whispered, encouraging her to continue.

"Well, you see I've been thinking about…" her words were cut off as the sound of the doorbell echoed through the house, effectively ending the moment.

As she went to look out the peephole she recognized the faces of the CSI team standing there patiently with the customary coffee, bagels and donuts. While their continuing support had been touching, their bad timing annoyed her slightly. Silently growling to herself she opened the door, plastering a smile on her face as she let them in.

The talk around the breakfast table was companionable, Greg and Sara appeared to be getting along better than usual, and though she had seemed slightly awkward at first, Sara didn't seem to be paying any more attention to Grissom than the rest of the. The team discussed their latest cases, Gil was enjoying the chance to return to action, even if only mentally. He couldn't wait for the next week to be up so he could return to work.

It was when Catherine had gone to get some more napkins in the kitchen that she found herself cornered by Warrick.

"I know this is a little late Cath, but I had to say how sorry I am for having you do that crime scene alone, if I had thought about it, and what had recently happened to you, maybe none of this would have happened." The guilt was evident on his face. "We all make mistakes," she smiled reassuringly, "don't blame yourself, I'm the one who pulled the trigger." She patted him on the arm hoping to make him feel better, knowing that this had probably been eating him up inside since it happened.

"Yeah, well Gris is getting a good deal out of it now isn't he?" Warrick teased trying to lighten the mood.

Catherine laughed at his humor, "true, as guilty as I feel, he'll have me at his beck and call doing whatever he wants for the next decade for this."

They laughed together, neither of them having noticed Gil standing around the corner where he had been walking by and stopping at their conversation.

When everyone finally left Catherine noticed that he seemed a little quieter than usual. "Why don't you go lay down?" She suggested, thinking he had probably gotten overtired with the teams visit.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that." He agreed, quietly withdrawing to his room as he laid down on the bed to think. The turmoil of what he had heard and it's implications buzzing around in his head. He had really been enjoying their time together and after last night had begun thinking she might actually be able to return his feelings, but now couldn't help the threads of pessimism that were creeping into his mind. "She just feels guilty, she doesn't really love me, just trying to make up for this accident." He felt almost nauseous as he felt his feelings of hope from the morning dashed against the rocks of doubt.

Meanwhile Catherine puttered about the house, still enjoying the afterglow from their morning cuddling and talking. Emotional intimacy like that with a man was so rare, and she hoped they'd have more of an opportunity to talk like that, though she had to admit that the thought of adding the physical component was enticing. Thinking about it she decided that tonight was the night she was going to see about opening the door to further their relationship. Unless she had seriously misjudged some of his recent looks and comments, which she didn't think she had, she could almost tell that he felt the same way.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

He re-emerged from a restless nap later that afternoon, happy to see she had a light lunch waiting for him as his grumbling stomach was telling him it was time to eat.

"Was wondering when you'd be getting up," she teased, taking a moment to note his quiet mood, then figured he probably was just not feeling very well. "How's your neck, now that you're not having to wear bandages it's looking better." She studied it, noting that it was healing fairly well, and that soon only a couple of faint scars would remain.

"It's doing much better," he agreed, glad now that the doctor had said applying Neosporin twice a day was enough to complete the healing process. Though secretly Gil missed the closeness he had shared with Catherine when she had been changing the bandages for him. He jarred himself from that thought though as he remembered what he had heard earlier that day when she told Warrick how guilty she felt about shooting him. "Just how far would she let her guilt take her?" He couldn't help but wonder.

Meanwhile Catherine busied herself with cleaning up the kitchen as she kept thinking of ways to make her feelings known, a candlelight dinner seemed too formal, and she wanted to do something today before Lindsey returned from her camping weekend. If only she could figure out how.

As Gil finished eating and brought his plate to the kitchen, he decided he had to find out if she was being so attentive out of guilt as opposed to the reasons he secretly hoped for.

Catherine shivered involuntarily as he reached around her to place his plate in the sink, brushing against her and to her surprise staying there. Turning around she found herself face to face with him, a serious look in his eyes. She was startled but figured this was the time as she lightly rested her hands on his waist, taking in his own slight widening of the eyes at her gesture.

"I was thinking we could talk a bit." He said with a hint of roughness to his voice, not sure how to proceed, but knowing he couldn't let this eat at him any longer.

"Sure," she said, pleasantly surprised at his apparently wanting to continue where they left off that morning, she looked at him expectantly.

"These few days with you have been great," he began, hesitating for a moment, as he tried to figure out what to say next.

"I'm glad," she murmured, "I've tried to take good care of you." She added, feeling that the moment was right as she slid her hands further up and rested them on his shoulders.

"I know you want to take care of me, and that's good, but well I was wondering if you know, you felt guilty about shooting me." He almost whispered his thought as he felt himself drowning in her eyes, her expression seemed mysterious to him right now.

"Of course I feel guilty," she agreed, wondering where this was coming from, did he think she'd be happy about it? But she wasn't concerned about that right now, her focus on the soft lips just mere centimeters from her own. Impulsively she decided now was the moment as she pulled him slightly towards her and raised her lips to meet his own.

He enjoyed the sensations flooding his system, and the doubts temporarily disappeared. It was so tempting to get lost in the kiss as he heard her softly sigh in pleasure against his lips. Tentatively he pulled her closer to him as their kiss deepened, for a moment nothing else seemed to exist in the world but each other.

Catherine couldn't believe it, her dreams seeming to finally come true as she felt him responding to her kiss, wanting him closer she let her hands slide down and find the hem of his shirt, wanting to feel his skin. As her hands softly skimmed his stomach, she was startled when he pulled away, looking at her questioningly.

"What?" Her breathing was ragged, expression confused as she looked at the intense emotion in his eyes.

"Do you know how I feel about you?" His question was simple but loaded with meaning for him.

"I've had a suspicion," she admitted coyly, thinking that was the end of it as she tried to pull him back to her.

She was surprised at the flash of emotion in his face as he pulled completely away from her.

"I think I should go back home," he said brusquely as he quickly left the kitchen, tears threatening as he put the pieces together in his mind, she felt guilty and thought he wanted her. He couldn't take advantage of that situation, he admitted to himself, no matter how much he wanted to be with her it had to be for the right reasons, not because of the shooting.

Meanwhile Catherine was still leaning against the kitchen sink, feeling completely rejected as she listened to him getting his few things together. "How could I have been so wrong? He sounded like he wanted it to?" She wondered trying to figure out what had happened to turn him off.

"Thanks for letting me stay here, I called Warrick, he'll be here to pick me up in a minute." Gil said as he awkwardly reappeared into the kitchen, holding his suitcase. "I'm going to wait outside." He announced as he turned towards the front door.

The feelings of confusion and rejection quickly turned to anger as she watched him turn to go. "How could he leave so abruptly after the kiss they had just shared. " Determined not to let it go she followed him.

"What the hell is this about?" She said, her voice rising in volume, noting the stunned expression on his face at her vehemence.

"I'm sorry?" he said mildly, hoping for clarification.

"I kiss you, you kiss back, then you pull away and announce you're going to leave?" She said to refresh his memory, eyes blazing at his seeming ignorance.

"It shouldn't have happened…. like that," he hastily added, knowing he probably sounded like a heel but he couldn't fight the waves of doubt threatening to overtake him.

"Look, maybe we can talk about it later." He said, hearing Warrick pull up outside as he opened her front door, thankful for the escape before he followed his urges and dropped everything to pull her into his arms and continue what they had started earlier. His last glimpse of her was of her standing with her hands on her hips, anger flashing in her eyes before he pulled the door behind him.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Grissom was silent as Warrick drove, his thoughts in a whirl about what had just happened.

"You gonna tell me about it man?" Warrick finally broke the silence.

"I don't know where to begin." He had to admit honestly, now thinking back to what had happened, wondering if he overreacted.

"You can start with this morning." Warrick prompted, trying to act cool as he encouraged Grissom to talk, it was obvious something had happened from Grissom's demeanor and the haste in which he had left Catherine's.

Grissom wavered as he thought about it, he didn't know what to think, there were still the same doubts of her initiating the kiss out of guilt, but the more he thought about it the self-doubt set in and the realization that if that hadn't been her reasoning, then he had quite possibly made one of the biggest mistakes in his life.

Finally relenting he gave Warrick a brief summary of what had happened. "I heard you two talking earlier this morning, and how she felt guilty about shooting me and was taking care of me because of it." Taking a moment to clear his throat, he continued. "I was still thinking about it this afternoon, and asked her about feeling guilty, she said yes, and then, well... she kissed me." He admitted, blushing slightly at the admission.

"And then..." Warrick prompted again when the pause became a little too long.

"I asked her if she knew how I felt about her."

Warrick really wanted to ask at this point how exactly Grissom did feel about her, but knew that would turn the conversation so chose to remain silent. Even if it more knowledge would mean an advantage in the recently very active office betting pool about the relationship between Grissom and Catherine.

"We've been pretty close the past couple days, and I wanted to tell her, well..." Grissom stammered before changing course. "She said she thought she knew how I felt and then I guess I panicked, I couldn't help thinking that the only reason she was doing it was because she thought I wanted it and she felt guilty." He sighed, wishing it made as much sense now as it had when he reacted several minutes earlier.

"You've got to be kidding me." Warrick was incredulous, "she comes onto you and you bolt, thinking she only did it out of guilt? Talk about selling yourself short."

"What would you have thought?" Grissom countered.

"I'd have thought how lucky I was that the woman of my dreams had just thrown herself in my arms and not look back." Warrick answered honestly. "Look man, guilt may motivate Catherine to do a lot of things, wait on you hand and foot, fix all your favorite foods, cutting crust off the bread if you like it that way, but do you see Catherine kissing you just out of guilt?"

Grissom thought it over for a minute, realizing with a sinking feeling that he was probably right, and if so that he had just acted like a major jerk. "What should I do now?" He had to ask the younger CSI, hoping he would have an easy solution.

"Go crawling back on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness," Warrick half-laughed as he answered honestly.

"You didn't see the look in her eyes as I left," Grissom replied, "she'd probably shoot me again if I went back now, I'll have to take time to think about it and come up with something good."

"Good luck man, you're going to need it." Warrick commiserated as he pulled into Grissom's driveway.


	19. Chapter 19

Catherine was indeed furious, but more than that she was hurt. "Could she have been wrong about his feelings, or had he bolted for another reason? Had she moved to fast?" She knew he could be skittish when it came to human emotion, but he was usually more recalcitrant as opposed to outright rudeness.

She contemplated calling him, but pride wouldn't let her. "He was the one who should be calling her after the way he acted," she decided rebelliously. She spent Sunday nervously cleaning the house and keeping herself busy, looking forward to the next morning when she was due for another counseling session. Perhaps she could gain better insight into what exactly had gone wrong, and why he had responded so differently then expected.

Dr. Carlensei listened to her tale without interruption, waiting patiently until she stopped with the facts and began with the conjecture. "I don't now what happened, and ordinarily I would just go and ask him, but now, with everything else that has happened, I just don't know." The confusion was evident in her voice.

"Ms. Willows, I have to remind you that we're here to talk about your PTSD symptoms and coping skills, not your love life." He began, but then stopped her with a wave of his hand before she interrupted. " However I believe this current dilemma of yours could be possibly related to what happened the night of the shooting. Perhaps we should revisit that night and see if you're able to remember more of what happened."

"I don't understand, I mean what could that night have to do with him walking out on me? Or are you thinking that maybe he's really angry at me for shooting him and hiding it?" She was having difficulty grasping how the two could be connected.

"Tensions and emotions are still running high from the accident," the Doctor reminded her, "and adding the potential for a relationship into the mix could overload almost anyone."

"But I'm the one suffering the most emotionally," she blurted out.

"Are you?" The Doctor raised an eyebrow as he stared back at her. "But again, let's go back to that night. I want you to lean back, relax and let your mind wander, I want you to tell me what you remember about the night, starting from the beginning of your shift."

Though she couldn't see what this had to do with her problem with Grissom she didn't want to be labeled uncooperative so she closed her eyes and allowed herself to recall the night, speaking as she did so.

"I showed up at the lab at the beginning of shift, joking around with the guys as we waited for assignments to be handed out. Warrick and I were assigned to a homicide and so he drove to the crime scene, we arrived and the house was dark. The police officers came out and said the house was empty and they had not disturbed the crime scene. Warrick suggested he do the walkthrough of the perimeter before joining me inside. I felt nervous and almost asked him if he'd come in with me, but I didn't want to sound afraid." She paused, increased concentration becoming evident on her face as she pushed herself to continue. "I walked through the dark house, towards the bedroom, thinking as I did so of what the killer had seen earlier. And then I entered the bedroom, I saw the victim laying there, cut open, a look of surprise still on her face." She gripped the arms of the chair as she paused, becoming more tense as she remembered

"Relax Ms. Willows, you're ok now." The doctors voice soothed her, urging her to continue.

Taking a few deep breaths as she had previously learned to do when feeling anxious she continued remembering, realizing she was able to recall more, but not rushing herself into the memory as she continued her narrative.

"I was leaning over her body, thinking for a minute about the terror she must have felt those last few minutes of her life. I remember beginning to feel afraid, and not knowing why. I tried to concentrate on the scene, but I..." her eyebrows furrowed as she thought. "I finally realized that I felt as if someone was watching me, but knew that couldn't be true, I was alone at the scene this time." She gulped nervously, breathing deeply as her knuckles whitened.

"Go on," she was gently prompted.

"I couldn't fight off the feeling so I unsnapped my gun. I was trying to calm myself then I saw," she gasped as panic became evident on her face, she had never gone this far in remembering before.

"You're safe now Catherine, please try to keep going." The Doctors voice was soothing as he tried to encourage her, his voice casual as he tried to help her feel more at ease.

"In the moonlight, I saw a shadow of a man, just standing there. As I watched the shadow I was going to say something when I saw it start to move towards me, which is when I turned, shooting. I never even looked at his face as I shot." She concluded her tale, feeling the tears start to flow as the entire memory came back to her.

He gave her a few minutes as she reached for the tissue and dried her tears, she was surprised at the depth of emotion that had flooded her with the recovered memories. "It was him standing there watching me," she gasped as it suddenly made sense to her now about how she could have shot him. She was speechless as all the implications began to sink in.

"Why was he watching me? Why didn't he tell me he was there then? Why hasn't he told me about this by now? He knew I couldn't remember what happened." The questions swirled in her mind, as well as a whole world of conflicting emotions, shock, hurt, anger, bewilderment were obvious on her face for the doctor to see.

"I suggest you talk with Mr. Grissom about this," he gently suggested as he closed her file folder, indicating the session time was over. "It may answer some of your questions about that night, as well as about this weekend." He observed as she stood to go.

"Thank you Doctor." She said before she gently closed the door, knowing what she had to do next.


	20. Chapter 20

Grissom was not feeling well that Monday evening, and it wasn't because of the injuries, but because of the continued feeling of unrest and anxiety. He had picked up the phone a dozen times or more, but always put it down before dialing her number. He knew they had to talk about what had happened, but couldn't figure out exactly how he should approach her after how he had acted.

Surprised when his doorbell rang, he looked out the peephole, realizing his approach problem was now solved as a serious looking Catherine Willows was now tapping her heel impatiently on his doorstep. Taking a deep breath he opened the door bracing himself for a showdown.

"Hey," he said tentatively by way of greeting.

"Hi yourself, how are you doing?" She said quickly as she entered, even though it was clear she didn't really care to hear an answer. This put him further on edge, she clearly had an agenda to get too and was moving to it rapidly.

"I'm ok," he responded, "Cath, I'm sorry about Saturday, I didn't mean to," he began, now hoping to head off the storm before it hit.

"This isn't about Saturday," she interrupted him as she wheeled to face him, "it's about the night of the shooting. I remembered everything today while in counseling." Her gaze was almost accusing.

"I was going to tell you," he began defending himself, knowing immediately why she was so upset.

"I've been beating myself up for weeks about this shooting, trying to understand how I could have made such a huge mistake, how I could have shot my best friend, and yet you knew all along." The anger was evident in her voice and in her eyes as she studied him.

"I just didn't know how to tell you, or how to explain it." He spoke softly, his heart thudding as he realized the moment of truth had arrived.

"You can start with this, telling me why you just stood there and watched me, not following protocol of telling me you were on the scene. I had my radio, it wouldn't have been that difficult to give me a quick buzz to let me know you were coming in."

"I was worried about you when Warrick told me you were in the house alone. So I came in without thinking it through," he admitted to his mistake.

"And, you just stood and quietly watched me because?" She prodded, this being the part she had really been struggling with understanding.

He sighed deeply, trying to figure out what to say next. "You said you knew how I felt." He finally said quietly, not meeting her eyes as he spoke.

Catherine processed this latest revelation as she studied him. Noting his withdrawn manner and sudden fascination with an invisible spot on the floor. She could sense fear from his slightly labored breathing and what looked like a bead of sweat starting to form on his brow. "He was displaying all the signs of a man in love, or about to have a heart attack" she surmised, immediately deciding to let him off the hook, and softening her tone. "Gil, look at me," she encouraged him as she moved closer, feeling her own heartbeat quicken as his blue eyes finally met hers. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't know if you felt the same way, I didn't know how to tell you, and I didn't know what I would do if you didn't return my feelings. And most importantly I didn't want to damage our friendship" He answered, gaining confidence as he spoke.

"How long have you felt this way?" She had to ask, her heart now stuck in her throat.

"I don't even know," he answered honestly. "I know that it doesn't make any sense, and I can't explain it." He stammered, knowing she probably wouldn't believe that he was unable to tell her when his feelings changed. "You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"On the contrary, I understand perfectly." She said with a small smile as she moved within arms length of him. Stepping easily into his embrace when he reached for her.

"Still friends," he asked as he lightly rested his hands on her hips.

"Always," she assured him as she raised his eyes to meet his. She could tell he wanted to kiss her, but she wasn't going to help this time, she had already made the first move earlier. She waited patiently, the glint of a challenge in her eyes as they silently communicated with his.

"You aren't going to run out of here if I kiss you are you?" He asked, "I know I would deserve it."

"You'll just have to try to find out." She said mysteriously, having raised her hands up on his shoulders while she waited for him to gather courage.

She knew the moment had come when he nervously licked his lips and then bent slightly to kiss her, it seemed almost timid and chaste, and yet still was full of raw emotion simply from the fact that this time neither were pulling away. She sighed in disappointment when he withdrew all to soon. But looking into his eyes she was happy to see no traces of doubt lingering there, just a bit of something that could be interpreted as shyness if she was reading it correctly.

"I am sorry," he said sincerely, their eyes still locked.

"So am I, and I'll never forget how lucky I am to still have you." Catherine said as she traced the scars on his throat lightly with her index finger. "Though if I had known this was going to happen, I might have shot you a long time ago." She teased lightly as she replaced her finger with her lips, carefully nuzzling his neck while avoiding direct contact with the almost healed wounds.

"And if I had known this would have happened, I would have let you," he chuckled as he pulled back and tilted her head back up with his finger for them to continue the kiss; this time no doubts, insecurities, or fear, just two people in love.

The End


End file.
